Rotten Luck
by Lady Pocketmouse
Summary: On a hot summer day Dante ponders his rotten luck with women.


This is a short little story on Dante's "rotten luck" with women. For such a good looking guy are favourite devil hunter just doesn't get enough love. I apologize if the characters are a little OOC, hey nobody's perfect. Please review and by all means offer some criticism, but please don't flame. My first story, so don't scare me away. :D

Oh, by the way, I don't own Devil May Cry. Wish I did, but Capcom doesn't share...

Another slow day at Devil May Cry, the legendary demon-hunting business ironically run by a half demon. However, unlike some days where customers just didn't appear for no apparent reason, today there was an excuse. It was unbearably hot outside.

The weather channel was urgently advising people, especially the young and elderly, to stay indoors. When the temperatures reached 40 degrees Celsius even demons took a break and fled to cooler ground. Hey, Hell isn't always the fiery pit of brimstone that people visualize.

Dante, however, was quite content in his shop with the air conditioning turned up as high as it could go. The extreme A/C was absolutely necessary to our favourite devil hunter as he really did need to wear his leather getup at all times to maintain his badass image.

Working as a mercenary from a fairly young age Dante quickly learned that people will not hire you to do their dirty work if you dress like a pansy. If you wear a Hawaiian shirt and flip flops you just don't get the jobs (it is also inappropriate for a mercenary to dress-up on Halloween, Dante could tell you more than one story about that...).

Now you may ask how on earth Dante can possibly afford his electricity bill using that much A/C in the summer if he is always in debt. In fact to the outsider it is a mystery that Dante gets any electricity at all with his meagre salary. However, Lady will be able to tell you a very entertaining story about Dante and the power company should you be able to track her down and ask her without getting your head blown off in the process.

Unfortunately, when Dante is not on jobs, eating, or sleeping, he starts to think. It doesn't happen often but when it does, the outcome is not always positive.

On this occasion Dante began to ponder his rotten luck with women as he sat alone in his shop. It all really began with his mother, Eva... you know witnessing your mother's murder can really do a number on you. Dante realized he was almost afraid of a serious relationship with a woman, lest she receive his mother's fate.

He hated to admit it, but in his line of work the life expectancy isn't really that great. Dante didn't want to have a girl commit to him, have him die, and then be hunted by demons for being with him for the rest of her (probably very short) life. Sure companionship would be nice, but the gentleman in him couldn't put an innocent woman through that crap.

Then there was Lady. From the very first day they met she shot him down again and again. He couldn't really blame her though, after what her father did to gain demonic powers and all. Sure they were friends, they helped each other with jobs, and she was always there to lend him a little money, but she had better things to do than stay at Devil May Cry and take care of him. To Dante every part of Lady exuded beauty, but he really wasn't into chicks that repeatedly shot him in the head, on a regular basis.

Of course Trish stuck around, every once and a while. Mundus had been trying to create his perfect woman, as a means of controlling him. What Mundus didn't factor in is that Dante was and always will be part human.

Humans don't screw their mother's, even the ones with "mommy issues". Trish was his business partner, not his partner in any other way. That was one relationship that he was quite fine with, though he would admit that is was nice when she did decide to stick around Devil May Cry for more than a few hours.

Dante wondered if he would ever find a woman that was right for him. She would have to be strong, more so emotionally than physically (no guy likes a girl that can hit harder than him). It would be nice if she was good-looking, although that's not necessarily a prerequisite (just look at what Papa Sparda's demonic form looked like, looks really aren't everything). Obviously she would have to be able to cook, and put up with his very masculine living space (Lady constantly referred to it as his "man cave").

Dante sighed as he realized not many men would need to put "not susceptible to demonic possession" as something they looked for in a potential mate.

Dating a human as opposed to a demon would probably be his best bet, couldn't have lady try to eradicate his girlfriend Dante thought as he continued his musing. But where on earth could he find a girl like that? Even the girls at Love Planet were afraid of him because they knew dealing lead bullets was his profession.

Dante was just getting himself more and more upset as he realized very few girls, if any, were willing to cuddle up with a guy who carried a sword heavier than they were. Sure there were a few girls willing to spend a night with him, but it's not like he was telling them every detail of his life.

Even that kid Nero managed to find himself a girl, and he had a crazy demonic arm for crying out loud! Then again maybe that chick Kyrie was into weird kinky stuff... Dante quickly decided it's better just to leave some things alone.

Suddenly Dante heard a familiar chime as the doors to his shop swung open letting in a blast of steaming hot air.

"Patty! What the hell are you doing out in weather like this?" Dante reprimanded in one of the rare moments he actually permitted himself to express his feelings. It may have been brought on by depressing stupor he had just sat in for a large part of the day, but deep down he truly cared about the obnoxious, blond child. For some reason the young girl had her hands hidden from sight behind her back.

"Don't be silly! A lady like me wouldn't be caught dead walking in that! Morrison drove me." Patty went on to explain in her juvenile high-pitched voice. "Besides, I figured you must get kinda lonely on days like this, and I haven't seen you in a while so..." Patty brought her arms out in front of her to reveal two pristine strawberry Sundays. "I thought you would need some cheering up, because I know how you get when you get left alone for too long."

Dante smiled. This little girl probably knew him better than he knew himself. Patty bounced over to his desk and placed a strawberry Sunday in front of the man in red, thoughtfully giving him a plastic spoon as well.

She then went and pulled up a chair so she could sit with him as they both ate their Sundays. "Oh I nearly forgot!" Patty suddenly piped up after a brief pause where the two ate in silence. "On the way over we saw Lady and she asked me to tell you that she and Trish are coming over to dinner, and bringing food with them, 'cause apparently they don't like pizza as much as you."

Dante was at a loss for words. He knew that he really should be coming up with some smartass remark right about now, but he was a little shell shocked to find out that the women in his life really did care. As long as they still came around once in a while, he could deal with being alone. There was plenty of time to settle down in the future, as for the present, it was looking pretty good.


End file.
